Mandy
by brownfrown
Summary: Yay Lost parodies! I was bored, what can I say? Oneshot. A random hormonal teenage girl survived the original crash.


Mandy

Mandy

Not four hours before, the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 had plummeted from the sky onto an island of mystery. All were worried. Many were injured. And all retained a strong sense of hope. Hope of rescue, hope of survival, hope of…something. All but one, one who had nothing to hope for. Nothing to hope for and a whole island full of hot guys to look forward to.

"Yo! Yeah, I'm talking to you, blondie!" Mandy yelled to a very fine looking man who had been avoiding her for the past half an hour.

Exasperated with the persistent girl and frustrated with himself for getting caught, James "Sawyer" Ford slowly turned around and accosted her with his best southern ease. "There somethin' I can help you with, Small Fry?" He drawled.

Mandy snorted and adopted an accent not unlike his own. "What, you think I've been trailin' you for so long just so I can ask you out for tea and cookies?"

Sawyer looked at her with newfound respect. "Damn girl, I didn't know I was in the presence of a gen-u-ine impression artist," he said sarcastically to recover from his momentary lapse of jerkiness.

"You know how sexy you are when you say 'genuine'?" Mandy batted her eyelashes and sidled up to him.

Sawyer looked away in disgust and set off again farther down the beach. Highly affronted (yet not so much as to deter her on her search for a hot guy in this wasteland), Mandy spun on her heel and spotted a dark haired, harried looking man in the distance.

"Hey honey," Mandy said to him as she approached. The man barely spared her a glance as he rushed from one person to another, trying to calm the traumatized survivors down.

"You hurt?" he asked.

"Yeah," Mandy replied, "by your lack of attention!"

Pausing, the soon-to-be infamous Jack Shephard stared down at her. "Are you….hitting on me?"

Mandy rolled her eyes. "Nothing gets past you, does it?"

"Well…go away, I've got stuff to do," Jack shooed his hand awkwardly.

Mandy shook her head. "Best conversationalist I've ever met…"

She continued scouting out the beach until an Asian man arguing animatedly with what looked to be his sister caught her eye. As she approached she noticed uneasily that they weren't speaking English…

"Excuse me darlin', but I got a date with hot stuff over here," Mandy shoved her way in front of Sun Kwon. The man, Jin, looked confused, but behind Mandy's back Sun made a very disgruntled face that, had anyone seen, would have made it obvious that she understood the teenager's comment.

"Hey, how bout you and I calm our nerves over a refreshing swim?" Mandy gestured toward the ocean.

Jin just stood there, looking confused in a very cute way. He turned to Sun and said something, but she just shrugged and looked hard at the girl.

Mandy sighed. "You foreign types…"

And so the search was on again. Sitting against a tree, looking very dazed and, in Mandy's professional opinion, stoned, was a short little blond guy. Mandy slowly approached her unwary prey.

"Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh?" she asked, startling the man out of his stupor.

"What the bloody heck are you babbling on about?" He said in a very, very sexy accent.

"Enough to break the ice!" Mandy giggled and slumped down next to him. "So, hotcakes, you Irish or somethin'?"

Poor Charlie Pace stared at her. Between the heroin and this crazy girl, his mind was spinning way out of control. "Um, I'm British…"

Mandy shrugged. "Same difference. Accents are hot, wherever they're from. I don't discriminate," she snuggled closer to him.

"Did you just use a bloody pickup line on me?" he asked, her original greeting finally making it through his ears and up to his brain.

"This island's chock full of genius's, ain't it?" she sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. Mandy was just getting comfortable when Charlie sat up quickly.

"What's your problem, man?" she said irritably. Hey, he may be hot, but he had no right to give her whiplash.

"Who is that…that _angel_?" he gasped looking out into the distance.

Mandy looked too, and was disgusted with what she saw. "Man, you Australians are so messed up." With that she got up and stalked off, leaving the drugged up freak to gaze at a pregnant woman.

Not completely deterred, Mandy scanned the beach one last time. She sighed and turned and abruptly ran into what felt like a tree. When she looked up, she realized it wasn't a tree; it was a dark, handsome Iraqi guy.

"Is there something I can do for you?" he said patiently.

"Yeah, you can show me those abs, man! You work out a lot?" Mandy said, impressed.

Sayid shook his head softly. "I don't think I will ever understand American girls."

"You don't have to! Just understand me when I say that you are one mighty fine guy!" Mandy was sure all her dreams were about to finally come true.

Sayid was sickened by her blatant flirting, but he was much too polite to do anything mean. "I think that crash did much more to you than you imagine. There's a doctor over there, why don't you ask him to examine your head?" Or maybe he wasn't too polite.

Mandy looked affronted as he stomped off. "That's it!" she cried exasperatedly. "I'm taking a vow of abstinence!"

"Now, now, that won't be necessary," a voice said from behind her. She turned and suddenly a strong, muscular man grabbed her arms and started to drag her into the forest.

Mandy looked up, and far from being scared, she was delighted. "What's your name?" she said, glowing.

"Uh…Ethan," he said, apparently shocked at her lack of reaction to being dragged off.

"Hi Ethan…"

And neither was ever seen again. That is, until Ethan was seen again. Later. Yeah.

FIN


End file.
